I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
