It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And then he peed in my hair
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