can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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