Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
