You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize