How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
