they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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