My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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