piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
