he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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