My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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