I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
