i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
