If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
