shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize