That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
