how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
