The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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