Where did you get a picture of my penis
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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