we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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