That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
