My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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