Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize