You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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