Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up under a house in Key West
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