i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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