Please, let me fuck your mom
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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