I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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