Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
