I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize