So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
