i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
