Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
