apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
