3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
