Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
