so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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