She's JV to your varsity
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize