did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
