Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
