i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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