if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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