thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
