I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
