I am puke
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
