He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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