Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
