I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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