I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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