her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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