"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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