I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
