Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he puts the penis in happiness.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
