At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
pop tarts are not kleenex
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize