You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
