this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
