Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
