don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
