Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
