This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
