I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
