home. puking in laundry basket.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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