I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
we're so committed to being not committed
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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