So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you will always have a special place in my vag
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
