he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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