Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
