Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize