Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
