I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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