You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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