she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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