Life is so much better after having sex.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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