I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
