Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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