What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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