Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
