so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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