mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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