and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
