No awkward lesbian experiences without me
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
