Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
