4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
