Got a toothbrush?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
