Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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