Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I smell stomach acid.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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