Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i believe in u and ur pee
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