I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
