my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
