But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
