uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize