you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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