Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
