I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize