something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
