we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
