Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
