I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
