I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize