So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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