Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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