He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
