Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
