I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
did i walk over a car last night?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
