Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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