my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
