Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
