ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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