He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
