At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
