You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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