dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
