I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
whose ass print is on the piano?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
