I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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