i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
