I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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