You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
