I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
